loss

tears of grief and tears of joy have fundamentally different chemical compositions, resulting in different crystalline structures (thanks, Angela <3 )

Today, I learned that tears of grief and tears of joy have fundamentally different chemical compositions, resulting in different crystalline structures.

I wonder what happens when you cry tears of grief and joy simultaneously; what crystals might be forming on the hot bed of my cheek this afternoon.

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Over the weekend, we lost my little sister, Mary.

I’ve been off of social media mostly for good for a couple years now, but I’m stuck at home with Covid and have limited ways to connect with loved ones over the immensity of this loss. So I’ve been grateful to be able to look at pictures and to read comments of love and sympathy for her husband, children, and parents. The things that are moving me the most are the prayers, the positive energy and intentions, the goodness and light shining outwards from everyone who knew her, right towards everyone else who knew her. And then onwards, to and from many many people who never knew her. It just makes me smile instantly to try to imagine the breadth of it, because I can’t. It’s a big ol’ shifting and faceted picture of joy, deep sorrow, and love, all thanks to this one beautiful life.

How grateful I am to have shed my own armor of cynicism prior to this moment.

Every bit of positive light, prayer, and loving intention is reaching Mary, is reaching me, is reaching her heartbroken parents, husband, and children. Of course it is. Of course it is. Of course it is.

Amituofo.

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Mary was a joyful and loving mother, and friends of her family have organized a fundraiser for her two darling children. Please consider donating any amount towards their continued and future well-being at this GoFundMe page. Thank you, friends.

the last day I saw Mary. it was beautiful and we were all so happy